The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
