Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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