Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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