He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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