it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
