I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
