When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
