drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
