Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
