TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
