that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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