I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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