Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
