dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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