How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
