I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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