i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
