love makes seman taste better
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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