I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
