My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize