Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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