if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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