It's like God shit irony all over that family
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
