im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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