I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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