i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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