They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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