Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
