ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
