my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
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