Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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