okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I enjoy the company of your penis
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
