i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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