I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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