you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
