My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
