The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
