Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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