i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I think my vagina is haunted
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
