I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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