I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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