Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
