hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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