I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
