please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
