Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
