we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
