can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Oh god it's open bar.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
