I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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