I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
