After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Dignity is for republicans.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list