just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.