Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.