we have pet lesbian snakes
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.