I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
