wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
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also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
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He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night