it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
That's what I'm talking about
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch