The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
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i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
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He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her