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oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
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