You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.