how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
