Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
