You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
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