You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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