Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
