You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
