Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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