Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
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I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
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I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night