Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
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I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
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Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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