this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance