the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Just cropdusted the office
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
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