I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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