I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
