you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I can't put those talents on a resume
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
