Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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