Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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