1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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