I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
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Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
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I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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