I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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